Hokay, genius time!
Instead of creating a list of criteria that I want in a wife, I've just decided to create a list of criteria that I want to have as a husband!
Because sometimes my thoughts are as logical as I want them to be: If I desire marriage why have I stopped training to be a Godly husband? Basically I let my last breakup act as a reason to mope and to lick my wounds and to complain to myself about how girls end up pulling away for no discernible reason.
I realized that I can't just keep playing the victim card. If I really desire to be a husband, I'll keep moving in that direction. Here's some adjectives that I have in mind right now, I might add more but I think this is a good starting place
Thoughtful - thinking of other's feelings
Prayerful - praying for people and myself everyday
Generous - with time and money
Pure - praying for self-control with external temptations and with my own thoughtlife
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Resentment - avoid or address?
Greetings random visitors,
To be honest, I'm cool with not having all my friends on here. Posting here is more for my own benefit. Writing down my thoughts is super helpful because when I read something I'm critical of logic and sincerity. So, in reading my own ramblings, a lot is revealed that could be ignored if it remained as thoughts in my head (My head is of course biased and tends to blame everything on externalities).
I once had people to talk (really talk) with but each of my few close friends have moved away and/or ignore me. I have one friend (who actually has time for me) left up here, Brady. While we talk about some men stuff like being poor, comics, videogames and movies; I find that I can't really talk to him about heartbreak stuff. He's never had a relationship, so he doesn't really relate with my major source of depression (which is residual feelings for girls that won't even talk to me anymore).
Well as much as I think on my own misfortunes, there are people much worse off. I saw a list online today, that was made by a guy who is a twice divorcee. It was titled "16 ways I blew it". He seemed to learn a lot about his own failings by writing down a list.
One thing coming to mind about my most recent relationship is that I resented her for not making time to see me. We lived 15 minutes away and yet she'd go weeks without being able to see me. I learned that she often spent time with her friends while shooting down any attempts I made at planning time together with her. I was able to break this occasionally by surprising her after her classes or rehearsals, but after my 8-5 job started up I lost the ability to do that.
While I felt this resentment needed to be addressed, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it to her. I'm sure my inner dialogue did most of the prodding (why didn't she want to spend time with me, is she just stringing me along).
Admittedly, the only coworker that I felt comfortable talking with was a non-believer. She said that my girlfriend's lack of availability indicated a lack of strong feelings. This just magnified my worries.
So I asked my girlfriend to try to make more time to see me and then she said she was super busy and probably would be for the foreseeable future. (I wanted to hear something resembling "I love spending time with you and appreciate your patience with my many other commitments. I wish we had more time together too") She then decided to head home to Rochester for the summer, and later dumped me because she didn't miss me during the summer.
I still struggle with wether it was right to air my greivance, because she said that was a complaint she had gotten in previous relationships. Did this single criticism cause her to lose all her feelings for me?
I'm not gonna say that she was my only chance happiness or anything but I feel like I need to understand this before I can have a successful relationship. Well, it felt better just to get that down in blog-form. I don't know if she'll ever be able to offer closure though...
To be honest, I'm cool with not having all my friends on here. Posting here is more for my own benefit. Writing down my thoughts is super helpful because when I read something I'm critical of logic and sincerity. So, in reading my own ramblings, a lot is revealed that could be ignored if it remained as thoughts in my head (My head is of course biased and tends to blame everything on externalities).
I once had people to talk (really talk) with but each of my few close friends have moved away and/or ignore me. I have one friend (who actually has time for me) left up here, Brady. While we talk about some men stuff like being poor, comics, videogames and movies; I find that I can't really talk to him about heartbreak stuff. He's never had a relationship, so he doesn't really relate with my major source of depression (which is residual feelings for girls that won't even talk to me anymore).
Well as much as I think on my own misfortunes, there are people much worse off. I saw a list online today, that was made by a guy who is a twice divorcee. It was titled "16 ways I blew it". He seemed to learn a lot about his own failings by writing down a list.
One thing coming to mind about my most recent relationship is that I resented her for not making time to see me. We lived 15 minutes away and yet she'd go weeks without being able to see me. I learned that she often spent time with her friends while shooting down any attempts I made at planning time together with her. I was able to break this occasionally by surprising her after her classes or rehearsals, but after my 8-5 job started up I lost the ability to do that.
While I felt this resentment needed to be addressed, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it to her. I'm sure my inner dialogue did most of the prodding (why didn't she want to spend time with me, is she just stringing me along).
Admittedly, the only coworker that I felt comfortable talking with was a non-believer. She said that my girlfriend's lack of availability indicated a lack of strong feelings. This just magnified my worries.
So I asked my girlfriend to try to make more time to see me and then she said she was super busy and probably would be for the foreseeable future. (I wanted to hear something resembling "I love spending time with you and appreciate your patience with my many other commitments. I wish we had more time together too") She then decided to head home to Rochester for the summer, and later dumped me because she didn't miss me during the summer.
I still struggle with wether it was right to air my greivance, because she said that was a complaint she had gotten in previous relationships. Did this single criticism cause her to lose all her feelings for me?
I'm not gonna say that she was my only chance happiness or anything but I feel like I need to understand this before I can have a successful relationship. Well, it felt better just to get that down in blog-form. I don't know if she'll ever be able to offer closure though...
Monday, August 13, 2012
25
peace,
Jonathan "halfway-up-the-hill" Olsen
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Jon Olsen Vs. the World
I know I'm not a regular blogger but occasionally my feelings are overflowing to the point of having to write down some thoughts.
I've been reading a book about a 24 year-old who's struggling to understand relationships and it's hitting a little too close to home. Scott Pilgrim views his life as a videogame. That he has challenges to face that become progressively harder. As he continues, he gains experience and friendship and a more complete life. This metaphor works well enough until it comes to dating. Scott's main love interest presented in the book is Ramona Flowers who is new in town. As Scott falls hopelessly in love with Ramona he has to defeat each of her evil exes (the challenge of overcoming her past). Scott's efforts work for a time but Ramona becomes more and more haunted by her past. She starts to believe herself to be a bad person and decides to leave Scott. Ramona is now revealed to be a runner. Someone who sticks around until she has bad feelings and then she leaves to find something more comfortable and easy.
This is where I start getting really connected with Scott because I've experienced this and I've had the same attitude as him. I've always believed that if two people love eachother, they should just decide to stay with one another and face down any challenges ahead. For the girl, it seems to be a lot more complicated than this. All the little things have meaning and this seems to mystify most guys. the worst part is that my last dumper told me that it wasn't anything that I did wrong, but that she didn't have the same feeling toward me as I had towards her anymore.
I've been dumped twice now and each time I felt that I would do anything to make the relationship work and that nothing could stand in our way. Each time the girl pulled away and stopped saying the L-word. Should I be content to wait for a perfect relationship? Do I just need to find a girl who has learned that relationships are messy but are worth fighting for? The scariest question that's coming up is: Will every girl fall out of love with me and then leave me?
I've been reading a book about a 24 year-old who's struggling to understand relationships and it's hitting a little too close to home. Scott Pilgrim views his life as a videogame. That he has challenges to face that become progressively harder. As he continues, he gains experience and friendship and a more complete life. This metaphor works well enough until it comes to dating. Scott's main love interest presented in the book is Ramona Flowers who is new in town. As Scott falls hopelessly in love with Ramona he has to defeat each of her evil exes (the challenge of overcoming her past). Scott's efforts work for a time but Ramona becomes more and more haunted by her past. She starts to believe herself to be a bad person and decides to leave Scott. Ramona is now revealed to be a runner. Someone who sticks around until she has bad feelings and then she leaves to find something more comfortable and easy.
This is where I start getting really connected with Scott because I've experienced this and I've had the same attitude as him. I've always believed that if two people love eachother, they should just decide to stay with one another and face down any challenges ahead. For the girl, it seems to be a lot more complicated than this. All the little things have meaning and this seems to mystify most guys. the worst part is that my last dumper told me that it wasn't anything that I did wrong, but that she didn't have the same feeling toward me as I had towards her anymore.
I've been dumped twice now and each time I felt that I would do anything to make the relationship work and that nothing could stand in our way. Each time the girl pulled away and stopped saying the L-word. Should I be content to wait for a perfect relationship? Do I just need to find a girl who has learned that relationships are messy but are worth fighting for? The scariest question that's coming up is: Will every girl fall out of love with me and then leave me?
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