Husbandry

Hokay, genius time!

Instead of creating a list of criteria that I want in a wife, I've just decided to create a list of criteria that I want to have as a husband!

Because sometimes my thoughts are as logical as I want them to be: If I desire marriage why have I stopped training to be a Godly husband? Basically I let my last breakup act as a reason to mope and to lick my wounds and to complain to myself about how girls end up pulling away for no discernible reason.

I realized that I can't just keep playing the victim card. If I really desire to be a husband, I'll keep moving in that direction. Here's some adjectives that I have in mind right now, I might add more but I think this is a good starting place

Thoughtful - thinking of other's feelings
Prayerful - praying for people and myself everyday
Generous - with time and money
Pure - praying for self-control with external temptations and with my own thoughtlife

Resentment - avoid or address?

Greetings random visitors,

To be honest, I'm cool with not having all my friends on here. Posting here is more for my own benefit. Writing down my thoughts is super helpful because when I read something I'm critical of logic and sincerity. So, in reading my own ramblings, a lot is revealed that could be ignored if it remained as thoughts in my head (My head is of course biased and tends to blame everything on externalities).

I once had people to talk (really talk) with but each of my few close friends have moved away and/or  ignore me. I have one friend (who actually has time for me) left up here, Brady. While we talk about some men stuff like being poor, comics, videogames and movies; I find that I can't really talk to him about heartbreak stuff. He's never had a relationship, so he doesn't really relate with my major source of depression (which is residual feelings for girls that won't even talk to me anymore).

Well as much as I think on my own misfortunes, there are people much worse off. I saw a list online today, that was made by a guy who is a twice divorcee. It was titled "16 ways I blew it". He seemed to learn a lot about his own failings by writing down a list.

One thing coming to mind about my most recent relationship is that I resented her for not making time to see me. We lived 15 minutes away and yet she'd go weeks without being able to see me. I learned that she often spent time with her friends while shooting down any attempts I made at planning time together with her. I was able to break this occasionally by surprising her after her classes or rehearsals, but after my 8-5 job started up I lost the ability to do that.

While I felt this resentment needed to be addressed, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it to her. I'm sure my inner dialogue did most of the prodding (why didn't she want to spend time with me, is she just stringing me along).

Admittedly, the only coworker that I felt comfortable talking with was a non-believer. She said that my girlfriend's lack of availability indicated a lack of strong feelings. This just magnified my worries.

So I asked my girlfriend to try to make more time to see me and then she said she was super busy and probably would be for the foreseeable future. (I wanted to hear something resembling "I love spending time with you and appreciate your patience with my many other commitments. I wish we had more time together too") She then decided to head home to Rochester for the summer, and later dumped me because she didn't miss me during the summer.

I still struggle with wether it was right to air my greivance, because she said that was a complaint she had gotten in previous relationships. Did this single criticism cause her to lose all her feelings for me?

 I'm not gonna say that she was my only chance happiness or anything but I feel like I need to understand this before I can have a successful relationship. Well, it felt better just to get that down in blog-form. I don't know if she'll ever be able to offer closure though...

25

I just reached the milestone! Quarter century. That sounds super old. I'll thank you for breezing by my last melodramatic post. Everyone has their low points, but the truth is: God has provided for me for 25 years! I'm now at a real job, living with some of my best friends/brothers in Christ and the Olsen clan is growing via my niece and nephew :) The only thing that I manage to complain about (besides what was detailed in the last post) is not having a car. I do however bike 7 miles a day and that's been pretty sweet. Well that's essentially the lowdown on my current daily grind. Hope this august finds you well and keep seeking His presence!

peace,
Jonathan "halfway-up-the-hill" Olsen

Jon Olsen Vs. the World

I know I'm not a regular blogger but occasionally my feelings are overflowing to the point of having to write down some thoughts.

I've been reading a book about a 24 year-old who's struggling to understand relationships and it's hitting a little too close to home. Scott Pilgrim views his life as a videogame. That he has challenges to face that become progressively harder. As he continues, he gains experience and friendship and a more complete life. This metaphor works well enough until it comes to dating. Scott's main love interest presented in the book is Ramona Flowers who is new in town. As Scott falls hopelessly in love with Ramona he has to defeat each of her evil exes (the challenge of overcoming her past). Scott's efforts work for a time but Ramona becomes more and more haunted by her past. She starts to believe herself to be a bad person and decides to leave Scott. Ramona is now revealed to be a runner. Someone who sticks around until she has bad feelings and then she leaves to find something more comfortable and easy.
          This is where I start getting really connected with Scott because I've experienced this and I've had the same attitude as him. I've always believed that if two people love eachother, they should just decide to stay with one another and face down any challenges ahead. For the girl, it seems to be a lot more complicated than this. All the little things have meaning and this seems to mystify most guys. the worst part is that my last dumper told me that it wasn't anything that I did wrong, but that she didn't have the same feeling toward me as I had towards her anymore.
           I've been dumped twice now and each time I felt that I would do anything to make the relationship work and that nothing could stand in our way. Each time the girl pulled away and stopped saying the L-word. Should I be content to wait for a perfect relationship? Do I just need to find a girl who has learned that relationships are messy but are worth fighting for? The scariest question that's coming up is: Will every girl fall out of love with me and then leave me?

Unrelated picture time!

greetings, y'alls!

I know I don't often give updates via blogger, but I have lately been afforded some free time during the lulls in my job. The issue I've been looking at lately has been forgiveness and I've discovered that, for me, it's harder to accept forgiveness than it is to give forgiveness. I know that God is just and there's always a part of me that thinks "how is it just that God is always willing to forgive me?" It seems even less just that all of our sins were put on Jesus' shoulders when he suffered on the cross.

I've been a Christian for a long time, but this is one thing that I still need to wrap my head around because God totally defies all logic when he offers his son to pay for everyone's sins. It's the major difference between our belief and other beliefs. None of us Christians get what we deserve because God loves us too much to let that happen!

The hard part is that every time we sin, we need to understand that Christ has paid the price therefore we don't owe anything to God accept thanks. The natural response is to feel regret and unworthiness of God's presence, but the whole reason Christ died was so that we could each have a relationship with God despite our sinful nature.

Thats just something that I've had to relearn this semester, it's been a blessing to be discipled by Brandon. It's the whole travelers coming alongside and encouraging eachother thing. Now if I can just keep up with my classes, things should be ok.

Compatriots

Friends, they are your family away from family. I've been reflecting the role of friends lately. It occurs to me that I've underestimated my need for close friends. I've always had good friends at each place I've gone to, but none that I could truly confide in. Maybe the reason that I'm no good at empathizing with people is because I've never really had that kind of friendship. A part of my walk with Christ is fellowship with my brothers and sisters. I've been a bit antisocial this last month and it's been evident that my Faith is out of balance. In the Old Testament, Jonathan was the model of a true friend. He stood with David through thick and thin. Even against his own dad (his dad was kind of a jerk)! So that being said I'm praying for the skills of true friendship.

I'm so glad my parents named me Jonathan. My dad suggested it and he wasn't even a Christian at the time. God had a great plan for his life! There's so much that I want to ask my dad, but I'll have to wait.

well thats about all for now folks
stay classy,
Jonathan Olsen

Cinco de Mayo

hey guys
I've realized that the reason why I hardly ever post is because I haven't had epiphanies that seem blog worthy. But I'd rather my blog by a more casual space to write down whatever thoughts come to mind. So I'm gonna try to make it a weekly thing.
hokay,
just a little bit ago I saw a picture of a girl I know who had drawn a mustache on her face. I wanted to say to all you women out there that even if it seems funny to you, I can't think of anything other than how perverse and wrong it looks. Mustaches denote masculinity and they belong on a male lip!
well today is cinco de mayo and in honor of our Mexican neighbors to the south I will conclude my post en espanol. Even though I don't know how to type tildas or accent marks...
Feliz Cinco de Mayo, muchachos. Yo hago muchas cosas cuando debo estudiar. Por ejemplo, este Blog. Debo acostarme.
Adios,
Jon